New Account
by Random Guise
Summary: A crossover of the movies Crazy People (1990) and This Is Spinal Tap (1984). An advertising agency made up of former mental patients is approached by a potential new client, a fading British rock band. I don't own these characters, but I have brought them together for the first (and last) time.


**A/N: Short one-shot with a crossover from the movies "Crazy People" (1990) and "This is Spinal Tap" (1984).**

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New Account

"We're an advertising firm; we don't actually create anything" Steve Bachman said to the man standing in front of his desk. "Advertise Like Crazy helps its clients sell existing products and services. We not in the business of coming up with a new product or service."

Emory Leeson, who was standing across the room couldn't help but overhear. It was the 'quiet time' hour before the firm opened, and none of the other ad writers had arrived to start the normally boisterous atmosphere of the office. He hurried over to Steve's desk and inserted himself into the conversation. "Hello, I'm Emory Leeson, owner of the business. Sorry to interrupt, but let's not be too hasty - what kind of help are you looking for?"

Emory had started out in another advertising agency, but with the pressures of creating campaigns for large corporations he had developed writer's block and then decided that he was just sick and tired of presenting false or misleading ads. His attempts at honest ads put him in a mental health facility, during which time his ads became popular. Enlisting the help of the fellow patients, he continued the successful trend until his superior fired them all and took credit for the suddenly new hip ad campaigns. Emory responded by hiring all the patients and starting his own firm, now employing his former co-worker Steve Bachman as well. With a staff just recently in a mental health facility, Advertise Like Crazy just seemed the perfect name.

"My name is Ian Faith," the visitor explained as he switched his attention to Emory "and I manage a rock band. They've been around for quite some time, and quite frankly have hit a brick wall when it comes to a concept for their next album and tour. We drew straws to see who might help us."

"And we were the lucky ones" Emory surmised.

"Well, actually one of those 'Lucky eight-balls' got the short straw, but when we tried it the bloody thing only told us to ask again later. So you came in second."

"That's something, I suppose. What makes you think we can help you?"

"We saw your article in 'Advertising Age' and thought that you were just, well, crazy enough to maybe help us" Ian admitted.

Emory laughed. Crazy indeed, but it was a crazy that was not only useful but marketable as well. "Before we get too far, let me show you an ad we just finished; this will let you know what kind of agency you're dealing with." He led Ian over to a chair in front of a television and hit the play button on the player to start a commercial.

_Hi. Is your cat a finicky eater? Do they turn up their furry noses at every attempt to feed them? Then try our product, Nasty Kat cat food. With Nasty Kat, just open the can and slurp it into their bowl. One whiff and they'll be happy to eat anything else you offer them. Made out things we can't even mention on the radio, even if your cat tries to eat it they'll vomit all over your floor and be hungrier than ever._

_And because cats have short attention spans, buy several cans and refresh their memory when they start to get picky again. Nasty Kat - the cat food so bad it will even make your cat enjoy eating dirt._

Ian sat, staring at the screen even after the commercial ended. But such was his desperation that he indicated he still wanted to try.

Emory agreed. "I'll tell you what Ian; I'd like to hear your clients out first before I make a decision. Is there any way to have them by our office here in New York in the near future?"

"I can have the boys by tomorrow if that's near enough for you. We're in the city this week for a launch of a new breakfast cereal."

"Great. Bring a box with you, and see you here at ten tomorrow morning to meet my staff. We'll get a feel for each other and see what comes to mind."

"Right-o. See you then." With a bit of hope putting some spring in his step, Ian turned and left the office.

"We didn't get into this position by saying 'no' to anyone without giving them a chance first" Emory told Steve. "I just wish I had remembered to ask what the band's name was."

Steve looked at Emory. "It's Spinal Tap. Didn't you know?"

"Spinal Tap? What, are they made up of a bunch of doctors moonlighting? Oh, the names they come up with nowadays - that's one reason why I stick to classical music. Okay, we'll see them tomorrow and maybe toss a few ideas around without committing to anything unless everybody goes for it."

...

The next day the office was abuzz as word got out about who was coming. Emory had mentioned it to his girlfriend and staffer Kathy Burgess, who excitedly informed each ad writer as they came in. Judge and George didn't know who they were, Hsu and Eddie were thrilled and Mort thought it was going to be a visit from some health insurance person. Saabs wanted to know what kind of car they drove, and Manny was gone and missed the whole thing.

At ten thirty Ian walked through the door followed by three older men with long hair and wearing dark glasses. He approached Emory and shook hands, introducing the band. David St. Hubbins greated him first, the most enthusiastic of the three musicians. Derick Smalls shook hands, saying he liked the name of the business. Nigel Tufnel removed his sunglasses to reveal another smaller pair underneath as he muttered about all advertising people being tossers.

"Right," Emory announced to the room but more specifically to the new arrivals "we've been kicking around a few ideas; we're not in the music business but I think we have a concept that is, well, just crazy enough to work."

"That's great. Here's your cereal box by the way" Ian said as he produced the product. "Sorry it's empty, but it tasted like crap anyway so you're not missing anything."

Emory looked at the box that proudly proclaimed 'Tap Into Breakfast' and showed the band in what he assumed was its performing regalia. "Perfect, I'll put it in our display case right next to the can of Nasty Kat. I must say, I'm a little surprised that you read Advertising Age' magazine."

"I'm the one, actually" David volunteered. "Normally I wouldn't, but at one of our gigs last year I was given a subscription. Say Nigel, didn't you go to school with a bloke named Nasty?"

"Yeah. Nice guy. So is his parole officer. He even named his daughter Nasty Jr."

"So you find the magazine interesting?" Emory asked, trying to get the conversation back on track.

"No," Derick interrupted with a smirk "it was because he already had a subscription to Playboy and Reader's Digest. It was either the ad magazine or something called 'Highlights'."

"Good enough, I suppose. I'm going to turn the meeting over to Eddie; he's our resident musician and speaks the lingo better than anyone. Eddie?" Emory called, motioning the writer over.

"Hi guys, it's really on honor. I couldn't get enough of your Shark Sandwich album; I think I learned to play the whole thing in a day."

"That's longer than most people kept the album before tossing it out" Nigel noted.

Eddie went on. "We were thinking; what is Spinal Tap's claim to fame? I mean the first thing that comes to mind?"

"Wankers" Emory thought to himself.

"Loud" Nigel answered. "We're one of the loudest bands in England."

"Right! And that's what people have come to expect out of you. Oh, another Spinal Tap album? I bet it's loud."

"It's our calling card" David agreed. "That and losing drummers. We just lost Smurphy a month ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Emory interjected "assuming Smurphy is a person we're talking about."

"He is. Was. Tragic, really; he was impaled by a banana. But what's your idea? I hope it doesn't have any bananas; it still too soon, you know."

"No, no, no" Eddie assured them.

"We thought about doing something with opera" Judge piped in "but it wasn't different enough."

"That's right" Eddie went on. "So here's our idea: A whole album of silence."

All three musicians sat either stunned, medicated, or both.

"Just like that!" Eddie said as he pointed to them. "I knew you guys would catch on fast."

"You want us" David said slowly "to make a record with nothing but nothing?"

"That's their idea" Emory said as he grabbed the point. "We call it 'Tap Into Silence'. You record absolutely nothing. One track, twelve tracks, it doesn't matter; it will be SO different everyone will take notice."

"But what if I want to turn my amp up to eleven?" Nigel asked.

"Then do it! It will be the loudest silence the world has ever known" Emory concluded.

The three musicians closed ranks and muttered among themselves for a few minutes before turning back again as they took turns asking for clarification. "No drums?"

"No."

"No guitars?"

"None. Oh, they can be there - you just can't play them."

"No smoke?"

"What, on the record?"

"No, the tour you toad!"

"If you want, sure. Add fireworks too, as long as they don't make any noise."

"Don't forget to mention 'Say Hello to Silence', Emory" George said.

"Oh, right. George thinks the first track should be called 'Say Hello to Silence' to kick off the album" Emory explained.

"We wouldn't need any lyrics sleeve" Derick added.

"Mort suggested having lyrics, but you just don't sing them either."

"I like that" Nigel grinned. "I think I've got a poem I wrote when I was six that would work."

It was Ian's turn to ask a question. "There might be a problem with a special that the AARP wants us to do. They only want the show to be unplugged."

"They don't want to put the show on?" Emory asked.

"That means played acoustically" Eddie clarified to Emory.

"Okay, yeah. Well, then just stand around and NOT play the songs with acoustical instruments that you normally wouldn't play with electrical ones. How hard could it be?"

"Very hard" Derick answered.

"Tough" Nigel agreed.

"Almost impossible to pull off" Ian frowned.

"And exactly the thing we need to get noticed again" David concluded. "We'll do it. It will be our least offensive music in years."

"Might as well put that on the tour poster too" Emory said, smiling. "I kind of like the sound of that, if you'll pardon the pun. I guess we've got a project everyone!"

The End

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**A/N: An interesting pairing; Crazy People was a movie that didn't have much to recommend it (I was tempted just to bail out after a half hour but stayed with it out of stubbornness) and Spinal Tap was a mockumentary that was clever and satirical. Why not put them together? **


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